Culled from Cosmopolitan.com. Written by Kathryn Lindsay and Anna Breslaw. Enjoy!
I am about to say something unpleasant but important: The
first time you have a finger in your ass, it feels like you have a finger in
your ass. What did you think it would feel like?
Actually, the first five, 10, possibly 20 times, it feels
like you have a finger in your ass. But at a certain point, if everything goes
right, it'll feel like you have a finger in your ass accompanied by a spontaneous
enhanced uNiCoRn oRgAsM. It's hard to
know, because everybody's different, and that includes each butthole-fingerer's
individual skill. "So many women have bad first-time experiences and never
want to do it again. Some guy shoved it in without preparing for the
action," explains sexpert Dr. Emily Morse.
If you're dating a sexually ass-centric person, rather than
a breast or leg or foot or right earlobe person, they'll probably want to give
you many #ButtholePleasures. A good way to tell if you're dating someone
ass-centric is if they request belfies, always want to have sex doggy-style, or
try repeatedly to touch your asshole. You should never, ever do something you
vehemently don't want to do just because your partner wants to, and if you're
not ready for full-on anal sex, tell them.
But (BUTT! Ugh, sorry), if you want to experiment in that
general area, here are some things to know about Base Camp 1, which consists of
the stepping stones to anal sex: Fingers (anal fingering) and tongue (rimming,
salad tossing, analingus).
1. It shouldn't hurt- This is where lube comes in. It should
basically just feel like you might need to poop. You don't! (I hope you don't.)
"Relax your muscles, and breathe," advises Dr. Emily. "Use a lot
of water-based lubricant."
2. Start small- The whole point of anal play is to keep it
simple before working your way up. "To prepare a bottom for sex play,
start with fingers, tongue, or a very small sex toy designed for butt
play," says clinical sexologoist Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce. "An option
is to purchase a Butt Plug Kit that uses several plugs, of graduating sizes,
just for this training."
3. The person doing it should err on the shallow side-
Everything that goes in should be "just the tip." The nerve endings
you're trying to stimulate are in the anus — hence the moniker
"rimming" — and not all the way up there, which is generally the
painful part and also the part that makes you feel like you need to take a huge
dump. Imagine it like a basketball hoop, and the ball should just be rolling
around the rim of the basket, not actually making the basket. Does that help? I
know nothing about basketball.
4. There shouldn't be any rapid-fire movement immediately.
Vigorous jamming of fingers anywhere should not happen immediately. "So
much of sex is fast — especially in porn — but anal play has to be
prepped," says Morse.
5. Communication is key- The only way to know what works and
what doesn't is to be totally honest with you partner about what they're doing.
Dr. Pierce stresses the importance of
always being tuned in to how the other is feeling and being vocal about your
preferences.
6. It’s not dirty= As clinical sexologist Dr. Kat Van Kirk
says, the anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal
material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think.
7. That being said, you can totally clean things up- The key
to anal play is comfort, so do whatever you need to help with any lingering
anxiety. "Using an anal douche is not harmful if only done once in a while
and might help you relax your concerns about your bowels," advises Dr.
Pierce. You can use something as simple as warm water for a quick cleanse too.
8. It feels best when there's some additional stimulation
going on. Vaginal, clitoral, nipple-centric — whichever feels best for you.
While some women only need butt play à la carte, most women can't come from
anal stimulation alone. "The anal part is something that's an accent. It
adds to the overall experience," says Ian Kerner, sex expert, researcher,
and author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.
(Incidentally, women who have had anal sex report more frequent orgasms than
those who haven't.) That being said...
9. Make sure your partner doesn't use the same butt finger
in your vagina afterward. Why do you think The Shocker exists? Necessity is the
mother of invention. "Baby wipes should be mandatory on every
nightstand," says Morse.
10. If you try it a few times and hate it, don't keep trying
it because you think it'll eventually be tolerable. "Assuming you have a
considerate lover who's invested in you feeling good, I think you'd know within
the first five times whether you like it or not," says Kerner, explaining
that this depends on a variety of factors. "I've encountered women who
hated receiving oral sex initially but love it now, and it was because they
were self-conscious. It depends on your levels of inhibition, your feelings
about your partner, your feelings about your body. If all these things are good
to go, and you just don't like the sensation, you'll know pretty fast."
11. You don't need to get a wax. "Most women don't get
Brazilians simply to engage in anal foreplay," says Kerner, based on his
research. #Yep.