ANAL SEX TIPS FOR BEGINNERS

Culled from Cosmopolitan.com. Written by Kathryn Lindsay and Anna Breslaw. Enjoy!

I am about to say something unpleasant but important: The first time you have a finger in your ass, it feels like you have a finger in your ass. What did you think it would feel like?

Actually, the first five, 10, possibly 20 times, it feels like you have a finger in your ass. But at a certain point, if everything goes right, it'll feel like you have a finger in your ass accompanied by a spontaneous enhanced  uNiCoRn oRgAsM. It's hard to know, because everybody's different, and that includes each butthole-fingerer's individual skill. "So many women have bad first-time experiences and never want to do it again. Some guy shoved it in without preparing for the action," explains sexpert Dr. Emily Morse.

If you're dating a sexually ass-centric person, rather than a breast or leg or foot or right earlobe person, they'll probably want to give you many #ButtholePleasures. A good way to tell if you're dating someone ass-centric is if they request belfies, always want to have sex doggy-style, or try repeatedly to touch your asshole. You should never, ever do something you vehemently don't want to do just because your partner wants to, and if you're not ready for full-on anal sex, tell them.

But (BUTT! Ugh, sorry), if you want to experiment in that general area, here are some things to know about Base Camp 1, which consists of the stepping stones to anal sex: Fingers (anal fingering) and tongue (rimming, salad tossing, analingus).

1. It shouldn't hurt- This is where lube comes in. It should basically just feel like you might need to poop. You don't! (I hope you don't.) "Relax your muscles, and breathe," advises Dr. Emily. "Use a lot of water-based lubricant."

2. Start small- The whole point of anal play is to keep it simple before working your way up. "To prepare a bottom for sex play, start with fingers, tongue, or a very small sex toy designed for butt play," says clinical sexologoist Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce. "An option is to purchase a Butt Plug Kit that uses several plugs, of graduating sizes, just for this training."

3. The person doing it should err on the shallow side- Everything that goes in should be "just the tip." The nerve endings you're trying to stimulate are in the anus — hence the moniker "rimming" — and not all the way up there, which is generally the painful part and also the part that makes you feel like you need to take a huge dump. Imagine it like a basketball hoop, and the ball should just be rolling around the rim of the basket, not actually making the basket. Does that help? I know nothing about basketball.

4. There shouldn't be any rapid-fire movement immediately. Vigorous jamming of fingers anywhere should not happen immediately. "So much of sex is fast — especially in porn — but anal play has to be prepped," says Morse.

5. Communication is key- The only way to know what works and what doesn't is to be totally honest with you partner about what they're doing.  Dr. Pierce stresses the importance of always being tuned in to how the other is feeling and being vocal about your preferences.

6. It’s not dirty= As clinical sexologist Dr. Kat Van Kirk says, the anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think.

7. That being said, you can totally clean things up- The key to anal play is comfort, so do whatever you need to help with any lingering anxiety. "Using an anal douche is not harmful if only done once in a while and might help you relax your concerns about your bowels," advises Dr. Pierce. You can use something as simple as warm water for a quick cleanse too.

8. It feels best when there's some additional stimulation going on. Vaginal, clitoral, nipple-centric — whichever feels best for you. While some women only need butt play à la carte, most women can't come from anal stimulation alone. "The anal part is something that's an accent. It adds to the overall experience," says Ian Kerner, sex expert, researcher, and author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. (Incidentally, women who have had anal sex report more frequent orgasms than those who haven't.) That being said...

9. Make sure your partner doesn't use the same butt finger in your vagina afterward. Why do you think The Shocker exists? Necessity is the mother of invention. "Baby wipes should be mandatory on every nightstand," says Morse.

10. If you try it a few times and hate it, don't keep trying it because you think it'll eventually be tolerable. "Assuming you have a considerate lover who's invested in you feeling good, I think you'd know within the first five times whether you like it or not," says Kerner, explaining that this depends on a variety of factors. "I've encountered women who hated receiving oral sex initially but love it now, and it was because they were self-conscious. It depends on your levels of inhibition, your feelings about your partner, your feelings about your body. If all these things are good to go, and you just don't like the sensation, you'll know pretty fast."

11. You don't need to get a wax. "Most women don't get Brazilians simply to engage in anal foreplay," says Kerner, based on his research. #Yep.

BEAUTY: EYE BROW THREADING

Brow threading is fast becoming a thing in Nigeria. For those who don’t know, brow threading is a hair removal method whereby the hairs on your brows are plucked out with a twist of cotton. This is of course done by a professional and in a systemic manner in other to give you desired form. It is not unusual to want to give it a try if you want full, luscious brows. However, threading like waxing can be traumatic for beginners but you don’t have to be unprepared. Here are the essentials to know before you thread your brows or say goodbye to “tiger razor blade”… those who know know. 

What you should know:

1)      Pain- the level of will depend on your tolerance level and especially the skill of the professional handling your brows. Imagine the sensation when you pluck out hair from any part of your body only this time intensified as a lot more is being removed consecutively over a short period of time.

2)      Don’t wear eye make-up before your appointment- the reason for this is because the process will get your make-up smudged besides, those tears that are bound to well up won’t make any foreign substance bearable on your face. Just keep it natural and pumping.



3)      Specify what particular shape you want- so you know how when you  trim your brows  at a new place and the person just feels like an expert and messes up your wicked arc and volume? It is the same way with threading. Be sure to specify to whoever is working on your brows your desired shape-form.

4)      Check the result before paying that Naira- the common thing between a pro brow threader and a hair stylist is that they are both cunny. Tell a stylist you don’t like a particular hair and they find a way to comb it out and make you see a future… that will disappear as soon as you look at yourself in your house mirror. When the threading is done and you are asked if you like it from a mere glance at a mirror, don’t be in a rush… examine it as carefully as you can before giving your consent. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for a further tweak if you find any stray strand. You are going to pay for that thing. Use your money’s worth!



5)      Soothing agent- after the process, you may notice that your brow region is red. The extent depends largely on your skin sensitivity. You may request for your local aloe-vera gel to be applied on it.



6)      Duration of redness- again, depending on your skin’s sensitivity, you may experience a longer or shorter duration than others. You should expect an average time frame of one hour or more before the skin around that region goes back to normal.

7)      Make-up- remember you didn’t use one while commencing; you shouldn’t be too fast to apply one on it after either. Make up can block your pores (which is widely opened after threading). You can get acne and other skin irritations when your pores are clogged. No one wants that so “hol up a minute” before all the extra stuff.

8)      Time for your next appointment- unlike your razor trimming where you have to check in on new growth every other week, with threading, you have about 4-5 weeks window before you are due for a new session. Lesser time to burn at the salon if you ask me.

Have you had your brows threaded before? Was it a yay or nay for you?

LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY

When you were little, you had such high expectations of the moment you finally pop the cherry with your lucky other.

 Moments you had read in the harlequin romance novels of the pretty good girl that kept it all wrapped in until her prince charming came riding along. It’s a sensual moment heightened by memories of times past. 

The Prince plays by the books, he pays attention, he is a total gentleman. Then someday totally unplanned, both characters get under the sheet. The girl has been prepared for this moment throughout the story. The Prince knows the exact place to kiss, touch and ultimately leading them to the final destination. Then gently he flips through her woman-folds, she seemed ready, he thrust into her gently, there is a forceful entrance and the movement is at first very slow, but he gains speed afterwards. The girl feels a sharp pain but the pain is quickly exchanged with pleasure, she begins to feel the vibe of it, she moans softly then harder and begins to feel the tingly sensation.  The relief cascades through the two of them and they both orgasm. It is the ultimate fantasy.

If only!!! The truth is, your first time is bound to be your worst sexual experience ever. 

 First, penetration is nothing like those poky fingers you two have been experimenting with in your frolicking days. It is fuller, stronger and very painful for a first timer.

Secondly, while it is notoriously known that the hymen is a thin layer that even a finger can tear, getting a fully erect penis to enter the actual vagina after “tearing” the hymen is another ball game for a virgin. It will hurt as hell and you may find yourself pushing your man away more than a few times.

Thirdly, after the penetration, most first timers want the penis out of the vagina as first as it came in. the last thing on your mind is to enjoy the euphoria of it let a alone have an orgasm. Dream on baby girl…

Fourthly, you are probably not going to enjoy any moment of losing your virginity other than the foreplay that led to it. You may want to scratch pleasure out of your expected returns from the experience.

Fifthly, the myth of the blood when the hymen is broken is true for most women; the quantity however varies among women. You may however not be aware that you may continually bleed after consequent sexual encounters over a period of time depending on your body.

Lastly and mostly as a hint, you should stock up on lubricant. The need cannot be over EMPHASIZED. Don’t be fooled by flavoured “singing” condoms or the cost of it. Get a well lubricated condom and an ample supply of lubricant; water or oil base. You will consequently discover your preference as your sexual taste develops. 

You may also think breaking the hymen is the only leap you have to take but not to burst your bubble, you may not get to enjoy sex for a couple of months as well. The amount of time your body uses to heal will depend first on your body and second on the frequency with which you continually have sex after the first time. If you have sex and go on a break for another three months, you are setting yourself up for another painful sexual encounter for your next time. So you want to continue to have sex with a lot of lubricant. The pain is still very much real at this stage.

You must be weary of the experience at this point, but not to worry, sex is not all pain and gloom, you will get to enjoy it; amazingly if I may add but you have to put in the work. Nothing good comes easy you know?

What was your first-time experience with sex like?

COCKTAILS AND SEX: PERIOD SEX (RATED 18)

It’s that time of the month and she is so horny and ready to go. She starts to get all cozy with bobo who at first is trying hard to get, but a little head rub and body rub here and there and he thinks okay maybe we can just cuddle, I mean how bad can it get right? 

The intimate moment gets intense, it’s almost as if the body at its peak realizes that there may actually not be any penetration- but you both don’t mind, you continue frolicking, she starts to grind against your now hard cock, you are this close to cumming; so she swallows you whole, maybe you will bust your nuts in her this time, but no matter how hard she tries, the torture continues and you just want to play around in the “actual pussy”. 

Then you ask her- how far along are you on your period?

She replies- it’s the second day.

 You have been in this game a while and even you are aware of the the amount of blood flow you are bound to encounter, but the moment just won’t let you breathe. You recollect tales from your crazy bro’s of hitting it even when a girl is on her flow. You are a boy willing to explore new areas, so you think to yourself; what if I see how this goes? I may end up liking it. All the while, your girl has the same thoughts, but no, she wouldn’t suggest it, I mean how disgusting would it be if you turn out to be uninterested and totally grossed out by the idea?

 So you pull the panties off, slide on your condoms, totally unbothered about lubricants; I mean what better means to lubricate than free flowing water based blood right? You get into it and realize there is nothing unusual about the sensation after all.  In fact it’s almost the same with no period sex other than the fact that there is freer movement; damn that lubricant is fire!

 You are feeling yourself and wondering to yourself why you had been missing out on this. You hit the right spots and then resolve to switch up positions; doggy like a bad ass and you literally begin to tear that ass up. Not so smooth though, as you feel a slimy feel underneath your legs, you expect this, it is period sex after all. The moistness lingers and you quickly scan your environment, boy have you been bad?

 There is blood all over the place, the grossness is starting to hit you and your energy is reducing, you slowly slide out of her to clean up your mess, your condom is no longer a transparent rubber but fully coated with blood. 

What the heck have you done? You run to the bathroom to clean up your mess, she does same; you look at each other and bust out laughing. 

You promise to never do it again. Deeply you know it is a lie, there will be a next time only then you will be better prepared; you call it a fetish or whatever that justifies your looking forward to it.

Have you had period sex before? Kindly share your experience in the comment section.

Side Chics in Marriages

Some weeks ago I stumbled on the picture below, Lilian Esoro was felicitating with her estranged husband Ubi Franklin on his birthday when one desperate skank with the IG handle flawless ada jumped on the thread and hurled profanities on Lilian.

Trust Nigerian's and our innate investigate skills, they traced the uncouth creature to her handle and they came for her with all the weapons in their arsenal.

The craziest part of the drama was that the lady in question also posted  birthday wishes on her timeline for Ubi,and her friend called him her boyfriend and she didn't correct this "error". Someone's husband is your boyfriend??? 😱 I was shocked beyond expression, so side chics have evolved to this extent.
No longer are they the figment of our wildest imaginations, neither to be seen nor head but now a phenomenon.

These ladies are no longer comfortable with the sidelines, they are tired of playing assistant madam to the main squeeze,they want to be in the mainstream and they will sell their souls to Hades for the cause, damning the consequences. Before i proceed I'll like to state that there is a clear cut difference between a side chic and a stress reliever. Side chics reside in another sphere.

Also if your partner has random affairs with random women then he isn't into the side chic thingy at least in most cases. He is just a philanderer whose main quest in life is to conquer as many vagina's as possible and bear in mind that his quest will continue until the random honey pots decide to upgrade and  acquire some standard. This however is almost impossible,so I strongly suggest that you get yourself tested often and pray he calls his randy self to other. His "feelings" for you might still be intact but his "equipment" isn't.

I'll love to split side chics into two categories.
1. The victims
2. The bitches

THE VICTIMS are your average reasonable young ladies who just wants to meet the guy of their dreams, get married, breed cute kids, adopt puppies, do some charity,successfully pursue a career, be a stay at home mom  etc and they meet CHIMA.

CHIMA is a tall dark glass of chocolate,can shame the queen with his beautiful, rich grasp of the English language, has a good sense of humour, has this highly sexy baritone voice, rides a nice automobile, earns a six digit salary, treats you like a goddess, tells her you're beautiful and looks like he means it and then no wedding bands insight.... Yaay!!!

She literally forgets her brain in her wardrobe,and wakes up every morning thanking the universe for her good fortune. The relationship blossoms until the day she finds out her true status. She is inconsolable, she feels used and played, all his  excuses she once thought where kinda cute suddenly becomes filled with holes. He profusely apologies, telling her he loves her more, bla bla...
Sadly she is in love and love isn't a thing you just arbitrarily discard. She acts tough for a while and she rolls back into smooth CHIMA's deceitful arms. Praying for some miracle that she can't explain. They most times end up as baby mama's.
Settling for less because of fear.

CHIMA is balling... He is eating the proverbial cake and having it.

THE BITCHES as the name implies means they are bitches(pardon my tautology). They are nothing like the victims. These ones are vicious and have no scrupples with rolling in the hay with a man spoken for. Sometimes they do the chasing and other times CHIMA does the chasing. You don't need to take off your wedding bands when going after this category, even if you do, it doesn't count, provided they "like"  you . CHIMA's marriage is just another statistic. All they want is his  time, attention, affection, finance, the "D", practically almost everything a legit partner is entitled to when they are fully aware of their illegitimate status.

At this stage CHIMA thinks he is uber smart until the  bitch catches more  feelings and demands for his heart or basically demands for equal rights. Then a problem arises. It's like running two homes...unofficially.

Now, the side chics are not the only ones susceptible to feelings in this scenario. It could be that CHIMA suddenly realizes that he loves being around the side chic more than his partner for no particular reasons or worse realizes that he never loved his partner . At this point he has unconsciously alienated his feelings for his legit partner or split the feelings between both parties.
It's almost unnatural to be in love with two different people at the same time.

It gets confusing because people cannot tell who the main squeeze or the side chic is. It gets further complicated if CHIMA is married.
His side piece is pressuring him to divorce his wife since he claims to love her and not his wife, CHIMA can't just dissolve his marriage but he weighs both options.

Back in the days the side chic would probably get her co wild friends to waylay the legit partner and beat her up or threaten her but social media has now made things easier for a minute. People like flawless ada invade the partner's wall and steer up controversies such as this. Automatically she has caused a rift between the partners.

Am not unaware of the fact that people are in loveless marriages and find love with side chics but like I'll always posit " wait till you find love before getting married". If you're tired of your spouse or can't love her anymore,divorce them because your indiscretions will someday fish you out. It's unfair for you to put your partner through taking strange calls at strange hours with strange names such as " small chops" or "edible Catering" etc.
You practically turn your partner into an Federal Agent, snooping around and investigating like it's a high profile crime scene.

Am not an expert in relationships and marriage and I cannot categorically tell a wife who has to deal with her husband's side chic what to do but if there's one thing to do its "never confront the side chic".
The only "real edge" you have at that point is the ring which she could take from you and if you don't act right. As for confronting him, well that depends but I strongly recommend prayers because at this point you need God to literally rise from his throne to change the situation or say hello to a baby mama, a co-wife or an outright divorce.

Don't play yourself by thinking that because you're the wife, you have some exceptional covering or benefits because you don't... she gets the same hot coitus, birthday messages, gifts, cash, calls, texts, explanations... Just name it...  You need to get those knees down in prayers and supplication not because you're unrealistic but because this battle is beyond your capacity. We are Africans let's not also over rule the place of voodoo and black magic.

In a relationship I'll advice you to quit, it's a lost cause on almost every line of reasoning. He shouldn't make you compete with some skank for his love. Truth is she'll most likely win because she is hungrier than you are for CHIMA. You deserve better.

To the ladies who go after or are with people's partners especially husbands, I tell you this day its shameful and whorish especially when you're aware he's taken. The love or lust you share pales significantly in the face of matrimony.
Marriage is an institution like no other and should be revered. God forbid that you be the agent of its destruction. Let him go, for the sake of your dignity at least, have some self respect. Don't subject yourself to the curses his wife hurls at you every day in prayers. Let's assume you win and you're upgraded to bae who is to say that he won't also meet another in the future and alienate his feelings for you... He did it once he can do it again. He isn't God's gift to women, women should learn to stick together because men cheat on their wives because there is always a willing woman. Don't be the willing woman,be the strong, independent woman. Don't be a baby mama, don't be a side chic, don't be that dirty secret... Don't be like flawless Ada...
Stay Woke
Yours will come...eventually. Till then say no to CHIMA and his kind.

NB...This trend isn't exclusive to women, some men are side cocks.  The difference is that most dudes in this set up don't mind. They are here to occupy until the owner comes...  They are satisfied with the physical and don't go about catching feelings or acting erratic like an overgrown baby. They enjoy it while it lasts and cut their "losses" when it crumbles. Either way it's not a situation I think any self respecting person should be in.

This Article was written by Uzoma Lauretta Okonkwo. She is a 25 years old Lawyer who loves to write in her spare time. Uzoma enjoys reading, writing, surfing the web and traveling. She has a keen interest in Art, Literature, Culture and Youth empowerment. She loves history and is a proven addict of epic movies.

You can connect with Uzoma on her Facebook page for more of her interesting stories via her handle on: Uzzie Lau Okonkwo.

TECH: Get in here Iphone users!

Apple is about to commit infanticide against the iPhone 7.

 

The device; which is great, and just a few months old will likely be blown to unrecyclable smithereens by the upcoming iPhone 8, if rumors are any indication. Sure, it's always true that a shiny new iPhone's just around the corner, but there's reason to believe the next iteration of Apple's iconic gadget will be such a substantial leap forward that you'd be foolish to invest in a device now.

TD Sidenote; I knew there was a reason the gods didn’t fulfil my iphone 7 wishes yet.

Here's the big thing: A report in the Wall Street Journal Tuesday indicated that Apple will dump the Lightning port on the iPhone 8, replacing it with USB-C. In layman's terms, the cords you currently use to power your phone or listen to music will be rendered useless, doomed to haunt your junk drawer or some far-off landfill forevermore.

TD Sidenote; way to go iphone 7!!!

Like most "innovations" from Apple nowadays, there's precedent for this.  

                        

Before the iPhone 5 launched in 2012, the devices used a 30-pin connector that matched the iPod's. It was a wider, clunkier thing than the Lightning port iPhones use today. Its death was far from total: So many third-party gadgets (like the ubiquitous iHome) used that connector, so adapters were sold to keep consumers mollified and clunky old speakers out of the garbage can.

You may still see connectors on older equipment at the gym now rendered somewhat obsolete because Apple switched to a new type of cord five years ago or on the clock radio in hotel rooms. They're bound to frustrate anyone who's got an iPhone from the past five years.

But there's good news: A switch to USB-C would bring Apple into an established ecosystem, theoretically inoculating us all against such a messy turnover. (There are already dongles aplenty for USB-C devices, and gadgets like the new MacBook Pro have already switched to the standard.)  

That's also why now's a perilous time to buy an iPhone: Lightning is an Apple-specific technology, appearing to be on death's doorstep. If the iPhone 8 launches with USB-C, you'll find yourself locked into an old format with dwindling support, unable to work easily with newer third-party equipment.

And that'd suck.

What if the iPhone 8 doesn't use USB-C?

We are trusting the Journal with a lot here, but even if it's wrong about the new iPhone switching to USB-C, buying a new one right now is a crummy idea.

The iPhone 7 is solid, but it also has a lot too much, really in common with the iPhone 6S. It was clearly a half-step, one shuffled out the door, because it's tradition to release a new iPhone every single year, necessary or not.

TD Sidenote: I always wondered why phone companies have to release new phones every year. Where is the money???

Everything we've heard about the iPhone 8 suggests it'll be a major upgrade: It may have a curved front with a bright OLED screen, improved battery life, wireless charging and a front-facing 3D sensor that'll help the device recognize your face and unlock without a password.

TD Sidenote: here they go with features no one is going to use after the first month of purchase, but still we await them…

If you must upgrade your device this year, wait. You'll kick yourself if you buy a shiny iPhone 7, only for it to transform suddenly into a boring black slab when Apple launches a feature-stuffed new flagship.

It's a sad fact that such intrinsically magical devices can be pushed into the dustbin when something new comes along. But so it goes: Don't fall into the trap this year.

TD Sidenote: this is not to say I will be rejecting an Iphone 7 gift. Anyone???

PS- This article was culled from mashable.com with side-notes from me.