CONSENT: WHEN IS IT A NO?

Consent when it comes to sexual relations between men and women is a controversial topic. It doesn’t help that we live in a society where when you report an offender for taking unfair sexual advantage of you in his house, the popular response is to be asked what you were doing there.

Some have argued that it is hard to determine when a woman is actually saying no and when she is only “fronting”. This is why after a couple of persuasion, she gives in and the action begins.

I think that this logic is defeated. Let’s take an instance; you visit a government owned establishment and the tradition is that nothing gets done unless you drop incentives (usually monetary) to fast track the process. Your work of course will be delivered, but does this situation in anyway imply that you gave the incentive voluntarily?

The analogy made sense when I thought it up, but now it seems silly. So let me go back to my primary discourse. If your argument of having forced sexual relations with women is in paragraph two above, then you should know that at the time of the supposed “persuasion” the woman is no longer thinking with her brain rather her hormones are in action hence the response to continue whatever it is that stimulated them in the first place. This is why the first emotion she gets after you are done is regret rather than fulfillment. 

There is also a misconception by people especially men that when you lavish a woman with gifts; then she owes you some sexual gratification in return. This is wrong and need to be stopped. If you are not the type to give a gift and let it be just that, then be sure you clear your expectations with the woman before you part with it. The defense of expectancy will not avail you of criminal and emotional liability if you forcefully take what you assumed you deserved.

Consent as far as sexual relationship between men and women is concerned should be as unequivocal and unambiguous as possible. A no signifies no; it means do not proceed. Stop deciding for women what you think their bodies need.

CULTURE & STYLE: ROAD TO THE PALACE

I had been resident in Benin city for about ten months now by virtue of which I can unequivocally state that the Bini people are unarguably the most or one of the most cultural people or tribe in Nigeria, if not Africa.

My submission is epithetical upon the traditional and cultural effigies scattered around the city, the plethora of shrines in conspicuous and inconspicuous places (I had lost count ), the beautiful red and white stripped houses used to distinguish the houses of Enogie's,  Palace Chiefs, Odionwere's,  shrines from that of others, the godlike reverence for the Oba and other traditional institutions. The strict adherence to their cultural beliefs which some people will conceive as anachronistic or down right demonic, their mastery of pottery, brass-work, sculpting, their love for their land and its guiding principles (if you think Ibo's love their lands, take a voyage to Benin and experience snow in summer over land issues; the earth literally tilts out of alignment), their traditional tribunals on issues bothering on land, inheritance, witchcraft etc

I came in first hand contact with their tradition some months back.

Some months ago the ancient Kingdom and indeed the entire nation was thrown into mourning over the demise of the elite Bini Monarch HRH Oba Erediauwa ( Omo N'oba N'edo Uku Okpolokpolo).
The news was traditionally announced via the town crier (yes, they still exist) at the Oba market and every activity within the ring road axis came to an abrupt halt.

Within minutes Oba market had taken the semblance of a ghost town. The streets where empty, a great Iroko had fallen, and the ground was in tremor.

The next day almost all the Bini men had cut their hair, and I don't mean crew cute... "GORIMAKPA!" (bald head), all the Chiefs had replaced their red coral beads and bracelet with the white ones known as Omo N'orhue in accordance with the Bini culture. No Bini family was to bury their deceased nor give a child away in marriage while the funeral rites where on, in fact on one of those days no Bini household was to prepare their meals with firewood else... The average Bini man obeyed all of these and more without kicking up a fuss.

All of these was mystifying and somewhat quaint to me. I am from the acephalous and egalitarian Ibo extract. We do not pay such obeisance to our Monarchs. We respect our Monarchs but I doubt if we go through all of these to bewail their demise (politely correct me if I am wrong).

After the conclusion of the funeral rites, his heir apparent Prince (Amb) Eheneden Erediauwa (former Nigerian Ambassador to Albania) was coronated as the Edaiken N'Uselu which translates to the Crown Prince of Bini kingdom.

 On the 6th of October, 2016, the Court of Appeal (Benin Judicial Division) struck out the motion before it. The Applicants where praying the Honorable Court for an order to restrain the Chiefs from coronating the Edaiken as the Oba of Benin. After this legal victory it was announced that the coronation will be  set in motion from the 8th of October 2016.

Once again I was besotted with the rich Bini culture and tradition. On the appointed day the Edaiken N'Uselu apace the Usselu Chiefs, Chief Priest and Witch Doctors, Lay-men, Women, Children, Societies etc departed the Edaiken's palace for Eko_Ohae; which will last for a period of 7-10 days.

From this day the white beads i.e Omo N'orhue will be discarded and the red coral beads re-adopted. An embargo was also placed on funeral rites within the kingdom pending the determination of coronation rites. On his way to Eko Ohae, he stopped to climb an ancient palm tree called Odin Amamuesan Aimiuwa.

Upon getting to Iya -Akpan, the Usselu Chiefs handed the Edaiken over to the Oredo Chiefs and departed. The Oredo Chiefs then accompanied the Edaiken to Eko Ohae.  All of these was not a one day event but in the seam of 7 days or more.

The beauty of it all was that everyday the people came out en masse to accompany their Oba on foot to any destination. The hands of the Edaiken never hung loosely throughout the journey but was held on both sides by warriors. It reminded me of a story in the bible; when God instructed that the hands of Moses be held high on both sides if they wanted victory.

The Edaiken spent three days for a private ceremony at Eko Ohae before proceeding to Usama palace for coronation rituals.  Later  he left for Use to pick a name in line with the Bini custom. To pick a name he has to defeat the Edigin N'use in the traditional akhue game, as it has been for generations past. The name the Edaiken picks will be announced on his coronation day. He proceeds back to Usama palace from whence he would enter Benin via Isekhere to Urho Kpota for his coronation on  the 20th day of October, 2016.

The city is agog with festivities, tourists are sprouting up from far and wide to witness this grandiose occasion. Every company and outfit wants to identify with the event, banners and posters and billboards of the coronation can be seen everywhere in the city. Hotels ,lodges, guest houses are booked to the teeth, it's like Christmas in October.

The state government has given Ring Road and Uro Kpota hall a face lift. They spared no cost. I never knew that ring road could be this "Las-vegaish" at night; lights, decorations and what not. If they could hang chandeliers on the street they would have... it was a sight to behold.

The last time Bini kingdom crowned an Oba was in the year 1979, it had been ages. For most people this would be a once in a life time experience and they are savouring every bit of the event. I want to applaud the good people of the  Bini kingdom for holding on firmly to their culture when most people have long discarded theirs.

It is the 20th day of October, 2016; the day the Bini Kingdom has been expecting after the demise of their former Monarch; Oba Erediauwa 1. It's the day the Crown Prince Eheneden Erediauwa (Edaiken N'Uselu)  ascends the 836 years old throne of his ancestors as the 39th Oba of the Bini Kingdom and the 70th ruler in the Ogiso dynasty.

The Ogiso's (King of the sky) were the then rulers of Igodomigodo now known as the Bini kingdom. They successfully ruled Igodomigodo up until the 12th century when their young Prince Ekalarderhan left the Royal Court over a rift with his young uncle.  The young Prince later went to another land where he took the name Izoduwa or Oduduwa and became the first Ooni of Ife. The first official Oba of Benin was Oba Eweka 1.

Considering the aeonic and the once in a blue moon nature of the event, the government of Edo State  declared the day as a public holiday. Regular activities within the Ring Road was adjourned to a later date to enable the Edaiken and his entourage access Uro Kpota hall via Isekhere street. The Commissioner of Police of  Edo State; Mr. Haliru Abubakar Gwandu had stated earlier that he had deployed 5,000 police officers to help maintain the peace during the coronation  alongside other security agents and palace guards. The President, Senate president and Speaker of the House of Representatives will also be attending. The British High Commissioner; Mr Paul Arkwright also brings congratulatory messages from the Queen of England. This was the most interesting aspect for me. Who would have believed that a descendant of Oba Ovoramwem Nogbaisi and Queen Victoria will be exchanging pleasantries after the invasion 1897.

The Edaiken is yet to arrive Uro Kpota hall....
The Kingdom awaits  .....

I personally have been strolling around the Ring Road axis all morning capturing events,taking in the local culture...

 I had tried to gain entry into Ring Road to catch the Oba's procession but the gridlock I encountered was overwhelming. All the access route to the road was on lock down by law enforcement agents and touts. The only people who where allowed to pass through were Chiefs and dignitaries who properly identified themselves. Some other persons tried to force their way through but that was a silly move. They where rough handled by the over zealous touts, I am sure nobody asked for their services; "oversabi people..."

I decided to fall back, I mean I'll love to witness this historic event but I'll also want to retain my dignity. Besides it was just past 8. I doubt if the Edaiken had left the Usama palace. I strolled down to my office with a host of stranded people who couldn't access their place of work or find a vehicle to take them back home. You'll be surprised that I actually work on a public holiday, but dear friends the only public holiday my Principal in Chambers recognized was SUNDAY. On my way to the office, I noticed that a big projector was hung right in the middle of Mission Road, the coronation was going to be shown LIVE. It will be madness to allow everyone access to Uro Kpota hall so I thought it was an excellent idea.

While in the office I was terribly bored,I  had nothing to do and didn't feel like watching television or reading. My mind was racing for no just cause, I knew there was something else I ought to be doing.
Since I was already jobless I decided to take another stroll to Ring Road to see any cultural activities. Half way through the journey a bright idea hit me, I almost screamed EUREKA! like Archimedes; there is an access road from Mission road to Ibiwe and Isekhere street. I was sure it will be free from any impasse and I was right!

The Edaiken was to proceed from Usama palace to Isekhere street where he would cross the bridge then proceed to Ibiwe street before entering Uro Kpota hall. Now this bridge is a man-made bridge, I guess there used to be a river and a bridge in that path centuries ago but for some natural or supernatural occurrence the river and the actual bridge is no more  and every prospective Oba had to cross it hence the construction.

The Edaiken's entourage started gliding by, every woman with a scarf was instructed to take it off, every man with a cap got the same instruction, people watching from their balconies where ordered down and they gladly obeyed. According to the Bini custom, it is believed that a palm tree grows in the middle of the Oba's head and no one was allowed to see it.

There where different categories of people in the procession. They all turned up unashamed in their full regalia. It was so rich, colourful, cultural, educating and entertaining. They didn't pass by in any particular order but I'll love to take them one after the order.

First, there was the Palace guards and warriors. They were adorned with black from head to toe, some of them added more flair to their appearance by painting one half of their faces with black charcoal, they also had black ropes adorned with cowries tied around their heads. They had cutlasses, daggers  and the archers among them had bows and arrows. The intriguing part was that some of these warriors were elderly men in their 60's and 70's. They might not appear as formidable as those you see in foreign epic movies but back in the days these guys fought and won some serious battles. They defeated the British in their first invasion in 1897. Their victory was so huge that it was only 2 British officers that survived the onslaught.

Then the guys with brown skirt, white beads, white chalk all over their bodies and very massive tummies...like really massive. It jiggled as they passed by. No one seemed to know their exact post or function, so let's just call them the belly guys.

Another group of men adorned with red traditional top and a flowing red skirt or wrapper. The ladies amongst them had white wrappers with red tied around the breast region.

Then the Chiefs, most of them turned up in their traditional attire i.e the white wrapper tied around the waist with a bare chest and the red coral beads and bracelet. Some covered up their chest, others choose not to wear white. The Palace Chiefs also topped it up by adorning their distinct haircut. I have always been fascinated by that haircut. The Binis have been slaying since time immemorial! Some of them had iron rods with different insignia's while some carried long sticks, some others just preferred to dance, some walked by soberly. Series of Royal families and youth groups also joined in the procession. Then some random persons in white wrappers as well joined in.

The most scary part of the procession for me was when the Bishop of Holy Aruosa (The Benin Traditional Church) and his entourage passed. I had goose bumps. Besides the Bishop who was adorned in the usual Bishop robe the others looked like Sango. I would stop here on them, I can't begin to say everything I saw. Then there were police men on horses dressed as colonial officers.

Then the Oba's entourage...

About a hundred or more men in white wrappers carrying a board-like object with three mirrors and three symbols of men on each. Others where carrying mats and luggage, ancient drums and some carried things I can't put a name to. When it was getting to the Oba's turn to pass by, everywhere went slightly dark and a cool breeze came from his direction (even nature realizeda that something was up and I am not exaggerating). Then the Oba and two Chiefs, one on each side where in the middle. That was the highest point for me. I mean I saw the Oba of Benin with my bare eyes, I was so excited I didn't know when I started jumping. He had on the coral crown, layers of coral beads and bracelet, white wrapper, he was  resplendent! The crowd started screaming "Iyare" "Oba ghato kpere"... he just smiled in all his glory and glamour. For a second there I wished I was from Benin. The devotion was just unbelievable. I mean this is the 21st century and People are still paying such homage to a Monarch, wow! If the Oba had pointed at any girl in the crowd, she automatically becomes his wife. I was kind of praying he did though ,wanted to know how practicable it was.

So what's the fuss with seeing the Oba of Benin?

 Well unlike other Monarchs you get to see at top functions and event, the Oba of Benin does not leave Benin City, in fact he almost never leaves the Palace. This might be the first and last time his people might actually get to see him. So it's a huge deal.

The Oba and his entourage proceeded to the Uro Kpota hall where the final coronation rites will be performed and the staff of office handed over to him by the state government.

The hall was already packed with dignitaries from all walks of life. The federal government was represented by the Vice President; Professor Yemi Osibanjo. The Sultan of Sokoto was present, the Emir of Kano, the Obi of Onitsha, the Ooni of Ife and other Royal Fathers. A lot of Governors and Deputy Governors were also in attendance. The richest man in Africa was also present, Ambassadors from far and wide, Representatives of Companies and Industries etc. If the Queen could have attend she would have.

The Oba arrived the venue and was escorted by his Chiefs to the throne. Chief Oliha; the Kingmaker performed the final ritual and he was officially crowned as Oba of Benin. He took the name Oba Ewuare 2.

The staff of office was handed over to him by the State Governor. The Governor expressed his joy, as he was the first democratically elected Governor to hand over the staff of office to an Oba. He considered it a rare privilege and showered praises on the new Oba. Every Chief came forward to pay homage and swear allegiance to the new Oba. The event ended in dancing, wining and dinning.

I am glad I served in Benin, I am glad I got to witness this epoch event.

 This Article was written by Uzoma Lauretta Okonkwo. She is a 25 years old Lawyer who loves to write in her spare time. Uzoma enjoys reading, writing, surfing the web and traveling. She has a keen interest in Art, Literature, Culture and Youth empowerment. She loves history and is a proven addict of epic movies.

You can connect with Uzoma on her Facebook page for more of her interesting stories via her handle on: Uzzie Lau Okonkwo.

CAREER TIPS: NEGOTIATING SALARY WITH PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYER

I had a job interview with a media house. We had gone through some of the stages and were finally at the last phase. The interviewer asked me, “How much will you like to be paid for this role?”

I thought about this for a minute and realized I had not properly prepared for this before the interview. I had assumed there will be a fixed rate of income for the job I had applied to. So I said; “any amount that is customarily paid to the role I had applied to”. This wasn’t good enough as I was pressed further for a certain sum, so I gave a random figure. Then came the follow up question; don’t you think that is rather much considering you haven’t even completed your National Youth Service Corps? Until that moment, I had not realized that my only “sellable” answer was that I was a lawyer and I just naturally assumed my price should go up.

I realized after the interview that I should have prepared for this question. That giving a response on the spot without prior consideration was not very professional of me not to mention financial suicide if it turned out that my expenses to carry out the job was more than my income.

In other for you not to be in same predicament as me or avoid it in the future if you have already fell afoul of this, here are a couple of tips you should put into consideration in negotiating your salary with a prospective employer:

1)      Customary salary in the field- before you go for that dream interview, ensure you find out from people in that field how much is usually paid for the level of work you are applying to. You can also conduct some primary investigation on the staffs of such companies (where possible) about the salary scale of the company. At other times, you may just look this up on the internet via top job sites or public forums; in Nigeria, Nairaland is very informative.

2)      Running expenses- your expenses here might be of a capital nature or recurrent. Capital in the nature of securing accommodation around your work place. Recurrent in form of transportation to and from your place of work including feeding expenses.

Ensure you do a proper budget of this before proposing a figure to your employer when you are asked so as not to run at a loss if you fail to conduct this due diligence.

3)      Qualification- it is important you consider this in other not to undersell yourself. There is nothing wrong in setting a minimum salary while considering the amount you shelled out in getting that degree or experience. Properly evaluate your value while ensuring it is reasonable considering the competition in the labour market.

4)      Liquidity of Employer- you should consider the financial strength of the company you are applying to before committing to a lump sum.  A one man business may find it difficult to pay you 250,000 (Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand Naira) at entry level whereas a big firm as KPMG might not encounter such difficulty.

5)      Bonuses and incentives- take time out to find if your employer makes provision for these which in turn may increase your overall take home pay. A company with a low basic salary but with juicy incentives like insurance, medicals, pension, and bonuses may be a better option for you than another with a fat salary minus incentives. Consider the duration you intend to spend with the company and decide on a favourable alternative to you.

Whichever factor seem more important to you, the rule is not to over-price yourself as to chase your employer away or undersell yourself and regret your decision before you even begin work. I wish you the very best in the pursuit of your professional career.

COLORISM IN OUR SOCIETY

Women of color especially those of the African race all over the world deal with the issue of beauty in line with the pigment of their skin. The idea is that the lighter you are; the more attractive you seem to men, other women and at times even to yourself. As a result of this, women with darker skin tones  have had to resort to brightening their colour either by bleaching or toning.

 

The World Health Organization (WHO) in a study conducted indicated that about 77 percent of 

Nigerian women use skin lightening products, Togo at 59 percent, and Senegal at 27 percent. Of course there are indications of skin bleaching in all other African countries, but this is just an estimation of the reality of skin bleaching for the average African woman.

We were taught as kids to love our skin colour the way it was. That being of a darker tone doesn’t take away from us being the best version of ourselves. If this is true, why does society  attributes dark skin tones as a form of beauty that is striking in peculiar situations only?  Here is where our “two-facedness” comes to play. We do all things in our society with the psychology that lighter skin tones girls are beautiful on all type of days but when we want to talk about the African heritage, we begin to look for the extremely dark skin girls as a reflection of the beauty of the motherland. So are we now as a society restricting the period at which we feel it is okay to celebrate the idea of the beauty of a dark skinned person?

We all at one time or the other impliedly or directly equate dark skin tones with a lesser standard of beauty. We would say things like: “oh I saw Tolu  the other time, she has lost her touch, she has gone darker" etc. Not that there is anything wrong with these expressions, but it is in the context we have used them that has implied that been dark signifies a bad omen in the standards of beauty we have created for ourselves. 

So at this point we have established that society tells us that we should love ourselves the way we are, that having a dark skin is a beautiful thing, a thing of pride, but the same society will be quick to identify a darker skin tone as a sign of a not so glamorous life or good living.

So what discussion are we having? Can we blame the system that instilled this psychology in us? Or is it our collective fault as a society that we have consistently allowed foreign impressions dictate our standards of beauty?

PS- This article is not intended to shade any skin tone as been the better of the other, rather it is aimed at having conversations some of us are not even aware we are avoiding.

UNDER 30 AND KILLING IT

I met Prisca while working on Blacknbold Magazine firstly as an editor and consequently as co-writers in same. When the magazine was published, she was listed as an intern in the credit page and I wondered how a person could work their ass out so much only to be listed as an intern. My mistake at this time was in thinking starting from below and working your way up was demeaning, I was wrong, I guess she always knew what the price was and she was never afraid to fight for it.

Prisca is a 21 years entrepreneur who is killing it. When she is not working as a stylist, you can find her behind the scenes at some of the biggest fashion shows in Lagos or just being a part of the Blacknbold family. She is as creatively weird as they come and prefers to be called Athena, but she will always be that Prisca that interviewed the late Remi Lagos's sister with me in her show room at Bode Thomas.

It was fun for me to get to know her beyond my perception about her. Enjoy this piece as she takes us through her evolvement in the Nigerian entertainment industry.

1) TD- What is your full name?
    
     Prisca A- Shitta Athena Prisca

2)  TD-  Tell us about your education; the school you attended and the one you intend to attend?

      Prisca A- School has always been a big deal for me but at a time I felt I had to put it on hold to pursue my dreams. I am a respecter of education; I am currently taking a course in Mass Communication at Yabatech College of Education. I intend to take a fashion course at PARSON no matter how old I become but soon I hope.

3) TD- Tell us about the first work you got in the entertainment industry and what it meant to you?

     Prisca A-  I started my fashion journey while working with Blacknbold Fashion Magazine as a Writer and an intern. Then I started interning and working backstage at fashion shows. It was while working as a writer I got my first gig as a music stylist and I worked with VJ Adams ft Reminisce and Pasuma. It was a beautiful experience for me and after then, I got to involve myself in styling fully.

The major challenge I always had was my age. My parents felt I was too young to be exposed to the industry, but when you love something I believe you can fight your stand and make others believe
with you. My parent still feel the job isn't a lady job, "especially me wey no get car", but that never stopped me. I can get a call by 2pm and an event for 6pm and you bet I will find fits. I think that is what makes my clients come back. I don't believe in impossibilities; never would I not try before relenting.

4) TD- How will you  juxtapose your experience working at fashion shows and your venture into styling?

    Prisca A-  Fashion shows for me is about the knowledge and patience of working in the industry, it is a challenge and a learning process. Styling on the other hand is me exploring the creative part of myself. it's a thousand and one things  running through my mind and I just want to explode and create beautiful memories and new Art. The universe is a creative place ,we are surrounded by beautiful embodiment of nature and characters and I feel I want to explore it all. I am inspired to create artistic pictures rather than style individuals. It  makes me feel I fulfilled a huge part of my being.

In both, I get to meet different people and make connections, evolve and create, so I am intrigued by both experience.

5) TD- Who are the big names you have worked with and what were the experiences with some of them?

    Prisca A- laughs... big names! "if I hear", well VJ Adams opened my styling career fully, he has been my supportive chain all the way; humble and patient, I swear he is patient. He knows what I am talking about when I get into it.

I have also worked with Eva. she is perfect. She is my spiritual twin, my fellow "maami water". I fully launched my "Wrap Me" ideas with her. Every session with her has been a thrill.

I have also worked with Adunni  Ade, Falz, Yemi Alade, Helen  Paul, Ariyike Akinbobola, Wunmi Dada,VJ Adams, Tolu Adeshina, Joseph Benjamin, Emma Nyra and more. Fortunately for me, all my clients have always been patient with me and it is always an honour to work with them.

6)  TD- What is your 5-years plan? 

      Prisca A- To  create and build "THE RED LABEL GROUP"; which is my company that I recently launched. I will be exploring Creative Art, Fashion Designing, Brand Consultancy and Music in years to come. I also plan to get my University Degree; my dad would usually frown at me at times because I didn't take education serious but right now, I am so ready to merge all of my aspirations.

7) TD- Seeing how clear your dreams are to you, what purpose would a formal education serve for you?

     Prisca A-  I think everyone should get a degree to survive, because as much as you've got talent, education gives the edge and opens more doors for you.  I believe I can input what I learn in school into fashion.

8) TD-  What do you do for fun?

     Prisca A-  I disturb boys and act like a pest, LOL. I go to the movies, and oh my love for the sea is unrivaled, "Yassss beach me please". You can also catch me drawing in my room on a lonely day, and I enjoy creating memories with photographers through my work.

9) TD- Thank you for doing this with us.

     Prisca A- Thank you for having me.

It is inspiring to see a lady so young yet so refreshingly creative and very assertive about her dreams. To more groundbreaking moment in the future, here is wishing Prisca the very best in the future. You can connect with Prisca on her social media platforms via the following handles:

Instagram- Fabstyle_101
Twitter-  ShittaP
Facwbook- Shitta Athena Prisca

PEACE, BALANCE AND EXPERIENCE

I stumbled upon this on Instagram, usually I will skip, but not this time, it was important for me to get a message. My first three words were "peace", "balance" and "experience". Not unsurprisingly, they aptly sum up my being presently.

After I finished Law School, the next step was to start planning my service year, I was precise about my choice location as many others. If it wasn't Lagos then it had to be Abuja. So I began to put in the works to find a reputable law-firm that will be willing to take me in if either scenario was to play out. As fate would have it, I got posted to Ogun State and believe me when I say I never "experred it". I was blank for a couple of days, I had no contingency plan for Ogun, there was no back up! So I went to camp reluctantly, just get it out of the way I told myself, God always sorts you.

Fast forward when posting to place of Primary Assignment was to commence and I began to search for a prospective good place to work at. I did find one given the short search but it didn't work out. So I began to shift focus back to Lagos, maybe I can wing this thing, work in Lagos and "ghost" this thing. For those who don't know the term, "ghosting" service refers to a situation where you are illegally not undergoing the youth service personally, but able to evade it thanks to some corruption in the system and no one knows. So I began to think frankly about this and even began to make plans towards this but if it fails, I had to have a back up plan here in Ogun. All the while, my head and my mind was all over the place, there was no contentment of purpose, there was no resolve, I was literally all over the place. My Lagos plan was looking good, my contingency plan for Ogun was also solid. I got a text that requested me to come for a meeting at one of the Lagos firms I had applied to, and right there and then, I knew that wasn't the goal for the time being anymore, the plan was taking too much of my usual logical and reasonable self. I decided I didn't want to pursue that option anymore, I will stay here in Ogun and see how it pans out. Finally, I was at PEACE, the purpose for the year never clearer than at that moment.

On the first day of this year, I made a conscious decision to start my own  blog; not because it was the trendy thing to do; if it was, then I would have been in it longer than now. I also knew I wanted to practice as a Lawyer, God forbid all of that torture I put myself through in school go to waste. I will commence work on January 9th as a Lawyer at my Place of Primary Assignment and I am eager but not distraught as to how I will find my BALANCE, but I look forward to how this journey goes.

EXPERIENCE in what form? Is it that which i have gathered over the years or the one I shall have this year. This word speaks so deeply to me as I have often engaged in a number of things never knowing what the final destination will be. Is the moment telling me that it is finally time to put all of it to use or to start afresh? On this I am conflicted, but I am patient to see what this seemingly ordinary image from WeddingDigestNigeria is telling me.

Perhaps we should begin to pay attention to the ordinary things around us speaking to us. Who knows what we have been overlooking in days of the past. What are the first three words you see and what do they mean to you?

Love,

Mo.