IS THERE A PERFECT WAY TO REACT TO RAPE?

“…A rapist had gone into a couple’s apartment armed. He ordered the woman to strip, asked her husband to bend in a “table” position. He then asked the woman to lie on top of her husband while he had his way with her”.

I have heard a couple of incredible stories involving criminals before, but nothing compared to this. It was cruel and inhumane. To say I was grossed out is an understatement. 

The above stemmed from a conversation I was having with some other women; I was listening majorly. So the conversation progressed into the atrocities committed by criminals. I was told to man up, that stories like these were not unusual in the court room. As a good Lawyer, I will have to learn to separate emotions from work; at least to ensure justice for the victim if anything. 

At this point, we were comfortable with ourselves. Then one of us lunged into another story; a couple of undergraduate students had planned going for a party. It was a typical “gbo gbo big girls” scenario if you caught “Jennifa”. While on their way, their vehicle developed a fault, they had to stop on the road in the middle of the night to fix it. The driver of the bus (hired) was fiddling with it as if anticipating something. Then another vehicle crossed them. They were robbers (or so it seemed). They ordered the ladies out of the vehicle, raped some of them and left some. They were devastated. They didn’t return to campus. It was too late, and they might as well go for the party as planned. So they headed to the party, drank, cried and partied the night away. They returned to their campus as if nothing had happened.

I thought it was weird they didn’t return back to school nor reported to a police station. One of us inquired as to why that was not their cause of action. She laughed, as it turned out the ladies that were raped did not want others knowing what happened to them so they pretended as if nothing had happened. She knew because she saw them. We all nodded, almost as if we agreed the explanation was good enough.

When I reflected on this later, I was conflicted. One as to how a girl now woman experienced an ordeal like that and has over the years come to terms with her own basic way of dealing with grief; even if not hers. I thought maybe a part of her felt she was lucky or maybe she thought the other girls deserved it. She wasn’t shy to tell us she was dressed in baggy pants and blouse, the other girls; in their skimpy party clothes. Perhaps if they had covered up more decently, the robbers would not have been attracted to them. This was my inference from her attitude.

However, this article is not to bash the lady for her response. I am more curious as to why the most immediate response to rape is usually to keep it “hush hush”. Does reporting the matter to authorities really serve any purpose to the victim? Alternatively, should the decision to quickly move on from the ordeal be judged as not good enough as I was quick to do myself?

What then is a universal reaction to rape that aims at really helping the victim?